The Holiday rush is finally behind us and winter is all that remains. I don't know about you, but I would be perfectly fine with winter leaving after Christmas break. I sat at the bus stop this week wishing I could pull my hat over my face so it would stop burning from the arctic blast we are presently experiencing here up North. At least the grocery stores are quiet. I am one of the few at home Mom's willing to leave the house in such conditions. If you ask me, it's more dangerous not having peas and toilet paper with my two kids. Ella, my lover of nature, had a perm-a-grin on her face (perhaps it was frozen) walking alongside Mom into the store and later hugged a bag of frozen peas as we enjoyed the place to ourselves. I absolutely love our time together each morning and know no matter what we do and where we go each day, they are all precious moments together. Thank goodness for this time.
 |
Daddy makes up for the long trips away with special
moments like this. They are the best of friends. |
When I started this blog, I promised to be real, so here goes. After five years of parenting, much of which I am solo from the months of September to April (a hockey widow you could say), I have hit a rut. A straight up, tear filled, "Who am I besides a Mom?", rut. Don't get me wrong, I love and adore my kids. But there has to be more to life, a healthy one anyhow, than kids, grocery shopping and housekeeping. I'm sure many Moms go through the "Mommy Blues" from time to time. Some days I feel like I am looking at the world carrying on in front of me as I stand still in an outfit only a Mommy could appreciate, probably not showered and wishing I had a little bit of a life outside of my Mommy world. I watch my husband go to work each morning and I fantasize about his car ride alone, just him and his coffee....bliss. Then there are the road trips that yes, keep him very busy, but I know he is at some point getting a chance for a nice dinner and drinks with the boys, sleeping at a five star hotel without a child waking him up 2-3 times a night and peeing by himself in the bathroom. My husband works very hard to provide for our family, I am not dismissing that fact. I feel blessed that I don't have to be the one that is travelling and missing time with the kids. But every Mom, especially those that stay home to raise their family, needs to step away for a moment and do something that truly makes them feel alive again. Perhaps offering us a reason to join the world outside of the grocery stores and mommy and me classes. Can I get an AMEN!?!
 |
| My little lover of all seasons. A true Canandian! |
Where
is that place for me you ask? I have a huge passion for working in the community. I promise you I am not trying to be Mother Theresa by saying helping people is my passion or "calling"...it just is. I feel at home if that makes sense. I have never been one to get uncomfortable with human circumstance that wasn't pretty. I just see it as an opportunity and a responsibility to lend a hand if I can. And when you see the generosity that forms around you from others who want to help too...well that my friend is just magic.
 |
| I am so thankful for my Mom. |
Growing up, my Mom and her heart of gold, taught us to give of ourselves. Every fall, she would break out the empty coffee cans she saved for us and have my sister and I decorate them and pop a hole on top for money to slide through. We would head out around the neighborhood each labor day and collect money for the Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon. We looked forward to it every year. Sometimes my Mom would drive us down to the news station where the local telethon was happening so we could drop the donations off in person (and hope for a little TV time to wave at friends watching). I think this is where my desire to help others started. When I got into college, I picked a Catholic University, that unbeknown to me, lived by the Vincentian mission. Living this mission meant working in the community and helping others during our time at Niagara University. That is where the fire got re-lit. I was lucky enough to meet Sr. Mary Fran Bassick. She ran a program for inner city kids at an agency called Center for Joy, in the heart of Niagara Falls, New York. She took me in to help with the kids that came by after school to get off the streets. I owed her 30 hours for my religion class prerequisite. It turned into 4 years. To this day I still speak with Sister on Facebook (oh yes, she is a cool sister with a relationship status that reads: "It's Complicated") and she came all the way to Niagara-on-the Lake from Pennsylvania (where she was transferred to continue her amazing work) to give the blessing at my wedding. She is a gift from God in so many ways. The best and truest kind of influence a kid could ever ask for in college. Almost 20 years later and she is still cheering me on.
Since my Niagara days, I worked at an agency that dealt with the heart breaking reality of child abuse, was apart of an "alliance" of remarkable volunteers and fundraisers who to this day create events to raise money for cancer research and care, raised money for a hospice that touched my heart and continues to touch many lives each day with their amazing compassion and truly found myself back where I started, at a center filled with over 300 children and their families looking for a better way of life, in Binghamton, New York. When I left Binghamton to have Luca and move to Ottawa, I left a piece of my heart with my fundraising events and outreach programs - some that unfortunately never continued and some that I am so grateful continue on. One program that I miss very much is the Holiday Adopt-a-Family Program. Our first year attempting this resulted in over 100 families waking up to Christmas. It was the most joyful, exhausting, emotional, stressful and magical time ever in my life. A time I don't think I will ever forget. A small community with gigantic hearts and a team I could not have been more privileged to work with made this crazy idea come to life. It was an honor and it still happens each year.
My Mom used to help organize a similar "adopt-a-family" program with the Buffalo Sabres players, wives and girlfriends during the holidays. I remember the joy it brought her and how excited she got with each donation and the possibility of making a difference to so many kids and their families who would have gone without. Target had just come to town and leave it to my Mom to talk to the manager and arrange for the staff to wrap all the gifts bought at their store by the Sabres families. And don't think for a second my Mom wasn't involved in every program I have ever worked with...volunteering, donating, and listening to me talk about it endlessly on the phone, offering advice and of course her constant support. This amazing woman taught me how to give, but most importantly, how to love giving. I am so grateful for the example she gave us growing up.
 |
Luca dropping off his angel gifts at Christmas
for our friends that Santa can't always find. |
So while I sit here during another long road trip, trying to figure out how things could be easier, happier, more "me" but still revolving around this family I thank God for each and every day, I am going to start doing what I love the most. I am going to find good causes to spend time with, volunteer when I can and get back to my roots that made me who I am. My kids need to know this Mom. I so owe it to them to really know what matters to me and I hope one day, to them. But most importantly, I need to do this for me. I am the only one that can find this balance we all hope for as Moms. We sometimes lose ourselves in this wonderful life of motherhood. As long as we find ourselves again, it's so worth this crazy adventure.
Be kind to yourself Moms. You are amazing.
"Let the beauty of what you
love be what you do."
-Rumi
